The Yuckraker

COMMENTARY | Rona Purnell

I can’t go anywhere anymore without seeing “green” this or hearing “green” that. Well, a short while ago, I decided to see what all the fuss was about, and guess what! You really can make a difference for the environment by doing the little things.

In one month, I was able to cut my utility bills from $850 to $160. How?

By doing the simple things. Sure, life may not be as comfortable as you’re used to it being at time, but you’ll soothe yourself just thinking about all that money you’ll save.

The first thing I did was turn the air conditioning up from 59 degrees to 70 degrees. I miss having the comforting feel of a blanket with me as I walked around, but you don’t even notice after a while.

It pained me, but I also quit running a hot shower with the bathroom door closed overnight to take out any lingering wrinkles out of the next day’s work clothes. Little did I know that just a few spritzes of water from an old Febreeze bottle works just as well.

Speaking of water savings, I’ve joined the growing chorus of Americans who now go without their daily rainbow. This past month, I sure have missed turning on the hose for an hour when I get home from work and seeing the full spectrum of colors that results when the setting sun hits the spray at just the right angle. I guess I should’ve taken a picture anyways — it’ll last longer (LOL).

And I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize to my beloved kitty-cats — no more setting the oven to 200 so you can lay on it all cozy all day. And, unfortunately, I’ve had to turn off the TVs downstairs, in my bedroom and in the guest bedroom, too. Guess Mr. Imagination will have to talk you through the day.

The final step I took to save money and energy on my bills is an easy one to take, if you think about it: Stop getting your garages specially wired to go up and down all night because the sound makes you sleep better. One of those noise machines you buy at Sharper Image will be far cheaper in the long run.

So, whether it means you disappoint the birdies by pointing your window AC unit back inside, or you just stop running hot water for an hour down your kitchen sink to clean the garbage disposal, there are hundreds of non-obvious ways to save money … and Mother Earth!

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step!

Or grandkids’ grandkids will thank us for it.

Purnell, 52, lives with her three cats in Washington County.

The game of base ball, as it was known before the turn of the century, was lily white in the 1880s, but should today’s vintage old-style games also be played that way?

What was commonplace in the late 19th century, of course, will earn you a visit from Jesse Jackson in seconds today, so credit Joe Johnson for raising an interesting dilemma that combines ethics, history and authenticity.

Johnson, a Washington County pharmaceutical salesman, was jogging near Lewis Field recently when the Potomac Lowlanders came through town and were looking for local players to form the other side.

So, Johnson played, bedecked in a funny looking hat and loose trousers. Though a bit out of place among the other white faces and bushy moustaches, the crowd’s white guilt, in the form of an ovation that was twice as loud for him than for anyone else, put the issue to rest.

In the end, he took seven-ball walks and called the umpires “sir” like everyone else.

“I didn’t really want this to be a social statement,” Johnson said, “but I did want to give them a sense of what it would have been like if we had been able to play before Jackie.

“Babe Ruth, my ass.”

Editor,

I’m writing today to tell you how much Nickelback sucks and how much I wish Washington County’s “New Rock” station WXWC would quit playing them.

How much can I not stand them? Here’s a list of 17 things I’d prefer doing over listening to a Nickelback song on the radio.

• Listen to Maroon 5

• Listen to Jim Belushi play anything on harmonica

• Let Flo-Jo finger my taint

• Work as a buyer at a second-hand floss store

• Go for a drive with Bobby Knight and tell him his wife’s ugly the moment he hits a bump and spills coffee on his pants.

• Eat shit and live, then poop that shit out, eat it and then die

• Place an order for stock in Bad Newz Kennels

• Spend some time with one of Jerry’s Kids

• Give my ball sack a Brazilian

• Watch Luciano Pavarotti eat ribs

• Donate to United Way

• Have unprotected sex with a boat motor

• Spend the rest of my life opening blister packs

• Pay visits to the seven children that I know about

• Get a BJ from Fred Thompson

• Give a BJ to Hillary Clinton

• Watch Stuart Scott as Othello and Stephen A. Smith at Iago in Shakespeare in the Park

Please forgive my language, editor and good people of Washington County, as Nickelback causes me to reach deep into the curse word playbook like no other.

Sincerely,

Jimmy Sexton
Washington County

Striped shirts are ordinary in today’s workplaces. So are ones featuring checks. A pink shirt on a guy, though, is still a bit different.

Or so thought Washington County’s Al Somerson. The 42-year-old accountant at General Controls, 35 E. Main St., wore a brand-new pink oxford for the first time Tuesday, to zero response.

“I can’t believe it,” he said during a lunchtime interview. “I figured someone would have said, ‘nice shirt, Pinky,’ or at least chuckled.

“And I damn well thought one of the girls would have said I look nice in pink or that it takes a real man to wear pink, but I got nothing.

“I think I’ll take this back and try again with a nice Hawaiian shirt.”

A recently announced animal-exchange program between zoos in San Deigo and Nairobi, Kenya, will stock each tourist attraction with wonderful and unfamiliar creatures.

San Diego will receive three giraffes, a hippopotamus, mother and son elephants, four wildebeests and a hyena.

In return, the National Zoo of Kenya will get six Canada geese for its aviary, a pair of descented skunks, a striking Calico kitty-cat and a racoon.

“This is a once-in-a-generation opportunity,” said National Zoo director Richard Kibwana. “The people of Nairobi, Kenya and all of east Africa are truly thankful for this chance to experience some of the great and unique species in American culture.”

The animals will begin their trips overseas next month.