The Yuckraker

A report released by Indiana University Wednesday revealed that 60 percent of 18 to 24 year olds are getting their news from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.

This, despite the fact that the survey was conducted Nov. 10-20 while the shows were forced into hiatus because of the writers strike.

“That’s fucking bullshit they let Ahmadinejad speak at Columbia yesterday,” Western Michigan sophomore Drew Tait told The Yuckraker Thursday. “Nobody wants to hear what that bozo has to say.”

Said tearful single mother Mandy Fielding: “I’ll miss you, Anna Nicole. You were so beautiful.”

Knowing full well that celebrities that were part of Seinfeld’s nine-season run die in threes, Keith Hernandez announced today that he’s staying away from any risky activity for the time being.

“I’ll still call Mets games, but I may cut back on the moustache trimming,” said Hernandez. “It may be a work of art, but it’s a bristly work of art and trimming it isn’t the safest thing in the whole world.”

Hernandez’s fear stems from the deaths this week of Merv Griffin and Phil Rizzuto.

On Seinfeld, one of Griffin’s talk show sets was taken out of a Dumpster and set up in Kramer’s apartment. George’s keychain likeness of the Scooter, meanwhile, was buried in a New York street during pothole repair.

The Yuckraker also caught up with the real Soup Nazi, Al Yeganeh of Al’s Soup Kitchen in Manhattan, who told us he plans to serve only chilled cucumber soup and Vichisoisse for a while so that he doesn’t get burned. He also told us to get the hell out of his store.

Phone messages left for George Steinbrenner and Racquel Welch were not immediately returned.

The first, and so far only, season of the ABC sitcom “Emily’s Reasons Why Not” will be released on 3.5-inch floppy disk Sept. 25 with a list price of $39.95.

Also available will be a limited-edition box set ($99.95) that includes a voucher to have Heather Graham (Emily) and the rest of the actors come to your house and perform the entire one-episode run.

Bonus extras on both versions include the six unaired episodes and interviews with the cast and crew that didn’t quit the business and change their identities after becoming stigmatized as the cast and crew that worked on “Emily’s Reasons.”

It took three hours, a dark bedroom and a cocoon of slience, but Washington County’s Angie Childress finally figured out what movie the guy from The Closer is from. In the process, she nearly gave the man lying next to her a heart attack.

“Spider-Man!” she said with inappropriate suddenness, given the midnight hour.

“Wha?” asked her half-asleep husband, Matt.

“Kyra Sedgwick’s boss. He was Tobey Maguire’s boss in Spider-Man. Goddamn, that was killing me.”

“Ah. Nice job, honey,” replied Matt, before falling back asleep.