The Yuckraker

If Barry Bonds hits No. 757 tonight, Jim Williams will be able to enjoy it stress free.

Williams, a 22-year sports copy editor for the Washington County Globe, is taking Wednesday off after kicking out what he called “the subhed of a lifetime” last night denoting Bonds’ record-breaking 756th home run.

“I went with 756 with an asterisk for the headline,” Williams said, “but that’s like shooting fish in a barrel. As I like to say, headlines for show, subheds for dough.”

His pride in what came next was evident in a phone interview conducted early Wednesday.

“For the sub, I went with — and this was seconds before our deadline, mind you — ‘No hippies, but suspicous minds and immortality join Bonds on record trip around bases.’ ”

It has everything: imagery, unwasted words, and what I like to call ‘the bedroom wall’ factor. From now until they go to college, every kid in town will have the sports page of the Aug. 8, 2007, Washington County Globe on his wall.

“For me, this was like 9-11, Election Night and Pearl Harbor all wrapped in to one, so, yeah, I’m kicking back tonight.”

As it turns out, there may be one thing Muriithi Odumbe, a top-ranked marathoner who has won in Boston and London, can’t run from.

Saturday, in the coastal town of Mombassa, Kenya police raided the house owned by Odumbe under suspicion of a large-scale giraffe-fighting ring.

Hours later, they recovered a dozen of the creatures — all of whom appeared to be healthy, though frisky — and arrested Odumbe.

“I vehemently deny the charges against me,” said Odumbe. “This will be a long process that will not be resolved overnight. I only wish there was a running metaphor that I could use to describe what this process will be like.”

The bust was set in motion by neighbors who became suspicious when they discovered 20-foot-tall doghouses and trees modified with limbs made out of steel and leaves fashioned from chain link in Odumbe’s backyard.

In the indictment, Odumbe’s nickname is listed as “Al.”

Corey Hart, meet Hank Aaron.

Against the Philadelphia Phillies Saturday, the Milwaukee Brewers right fielder tied Henry Aaron by recording all three putouts in an inning. It is one of Major League Baseball’s most-hallowed marks.

“What? Oh, I never really thought about it in that context,” Hart said. “No big deal. Happens to me once or twice a month.”

Hart matched Hammerin’ Hank and hundreds of other players when he caught fly balls off the bats of Chris Roberson, Tadahito Iguchi and Jimmy Rollins.

That third putout in the top of the ninth ignited a wild celebration inside Miller Park, as it not only gave Hart his share of the record, it gave the Brewers a 6-5 victory.

The softball game between Underwriters Laboratories and Consumer Reports magazine was scheduled for 7:30 last night.

But although the weather was beautiful, 7:45 came without a pitch thrown … so did 8 … and 8:15. By 8:30 the umpires congregated, decided they’d seen enough and declared the matchup a double forfeit.

“They came here and started inspecting every little thing,” said umpire Joey Jones, on summer vacation from Miami University. “They wanted to know if the bases were going to cause anyone to trip and fall. If the bats were safe.

“They’re metal fucking bats. Of course they’re safe. Never in the history of co-ed softball has a metal bat exploded. Who do they think they are, Al Fucking Kaline?

“I mean, before the season all the umps went through a 15-minute class on how to make the playing conditions safe. This is what we’re paid to do. I guess we don’t know how to do our jobs now. In no way is $20 a game worth this BS.”

After the game was called, the teams congregated at Happy’s Lounge, where they all had just one beer and drove home.