The Yuckraker

Editor,

I’m writing today to tell you how much Nickelback sucks and how much I wish Washington County’s “New Rock” station WXWC would quit playing them.

How much can I not stand them? Here’s a list of 17 things I’d prefer doing over listening to a Nickelback song on the radio.

• Listen to Maroon 5

• Listen to Jim Belushi play anything on harmonica

• Let Flo-Jo finger my taint

• Work as a buyer at a second-hand floss store

• Go for a drive with Bobby Knight and tell him his wife’s ugly the moment he hits a bump and spills coffee on his pants.

• Eat shit and live, then poop that shit out, eat it and then die

• Place an order for stock in Bad Newz Kennels

• Spend some time with one of Jerry’s Kids

• Give my ball sack a Brazilian

• Watch Luciano Pavarotti eat ribs

• Donate to United Way

• Have unprotected sex with a boat motor

• Spend the rest of my life opening blister packs

• Pay visits to the seven children that I know about

• Get a BJ from Fred Thompson

• Give a BJ to Hillary Clinton

• Watch Stuart Scott as Othello and Stephen A. Smith at Iago in Shakespeare in the Park

Please forgive my language, editor and good people of Washington County, as Nickelback causes me to reach deep into the curse word playbook like no other.

Sincerely,

Jimmy Sexton
Washington County