The Yuckraker

The first leg of The Police’s reunion tour is complete, and though it was a smashing success, it seems as though anxiety has already set in for the three blonds.

“The big question now is: Will we all forget how to play songs like ‘Roxanne’ and ‘De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da’ between now and when we resume in September?” said guitarist Andy Summers. “Seven weeks is a long time and those songs are so complex.”

Added drummer Stewart Copeland: “Despite working with Douchebag No. 1 and Douchebag No. 2 all summer, this has been a great experience. I can’t wait till next month so I can hate them some more.”

Sting was balls deep in self-importance and couldn’t be bothered for comment.

The trio will be back onstage Sept. 29 in Paris.

The first, and so far only, season of the ABC sitcom “Emily’s Reasons Why Not” will be released on 3.5-inch floppy disk Sept. 25 with a list price of $39.95.

Also available will be a limited-edition box set ($99.95) that includes a voucher to have Heather Graham (Emily) and the rest of the actors come to your house and perform the entire one-episode run.

Bonus extras on both versions include the six unaired episodes and interviews with the cast and crew that didn’t quit the business and change their identities after becoming stigmatized as the cast and crew that worked on “Emily’s Reasons.”

Washington County pharmaceutical salesman Mike Fitzpatrick had sweet tea when he took a weekend trip to Atlanta in 1994 and has never forgotten about the delectible beverage.

He trots this fact out from time to time when among friends, continually asking them if they’ve ever had sweet tea and saying, “Oh, man, it’s awesome. You don’t know what you’re missing.”

He also uses this Northern deficiency as a convenient way for him to remind people about how different and relaxing and great the South, a place he’s been to once, is.

“In the summer, when it gets to be 85 or 90 here in Washington County and it reminds me so much of Atlanta — or as I call it, The ATL — there’s nothing like it,” said Fitzpatrick.

“You can set your calendars to it and, sure enough, Mike went on another one of his ’sweet tea’ kicks again today,” said Fitzpatrick’s friend, Tony Lumars, who just completed a round of golf with him. “It’s usually not an issue, but once or twice a summer when we’re sitting in the clubhouse, Mike will go into this dog-and-pony mode.

“He’ll ask the girl behind the counter if they have any sweet tea and she’ll say, yeah, we put sugar in our sweet tea. And Mike will say ‘OK, I’ll try some.’ with this dopey smile on his face.”

Lumars went on to say that this sequence of events usually ends with Fitzpatrick berating the counter girl for passing the course’s tea that is a bit sweet off as sweet tea and saying you can’t get “real” sweet tea outside of the South.

Taking a short break between the Bridgestone Invitational and the PGA Championship this week, Tiger Woods, his wife and their baby daughter went for a photography session at an Orlando-area Babies R Us.

A pair of the store’s employees would rather he practice knitting during his down time.

Things inititally went smoothly for Babies R Us session photographer Ralph McCreary and his assistant, Mandy Buchanan. Buchanan would hold up a stuffed animal and make funny noises to get the attention of seven-week-old Sam, while McCreary manned the shutter.

But it was when McCreary tried to get a wacky, candid shot in between poses that Tiger became irked.

“Guys, c’mon,” he barked, leaving McCreary stunned and Buchanan near tears.

“It’s such a disruption.”

The PGA Championship begins today at Southern Hills Country Club in Oklahoma.

If Barry Bonds hits No. 757 tonight, Jim Williams will be able to enjoy it stress free.

Williams, a 22-year sports copy editor for the Washington County Globe, is taking Wednesday off after kicking out what he called “the subhed of a lifetime” last night denoting Bonds’ record-breaking 756th home run.

“I went with 756 with an asterisk for the headline,” Williams said, “but that’s like shooting fish in a barrel. As I like to say, headlines for show, subheds for dough.”

His pride in what came next was evident in a phone interview conducted early Wednesday.

“For the sub, I went with — and this was seconds before our deadline, mind you — ‘No hippies, but suspicous minds and immortality join Bonds on record trip around bases.’ ”

It has everything: imagery, unwasted words, and what I like to call ‘the bedroom wall’ factor. From now until they go to college, every kid in town will have the sports page of the Aug. 8, 2007, Washington County Globe on his wall.

“For me, this was like 9-11, Election Night and Pearl Harbor all wrapped in to one, so, yeah, I’m kicking back tonight.”