The Yuckraker

Striped shirts are ordinary in today’s workplaces. So are ones featuring checks. A pink shirt on a guy, though, is still a bit different.

Or so thought Washington County’s Al Somerson. The 42-year-old accountant at General Controls, 35 E. Main St., wore a brand-new pink oxford for the first time Tuesday, to zero response.

“I can’t believe it,” he said during a lunchtime interview. “I figured someone would have said, ‘nice shirt, Pinky,’ or at least chuckled.

“And I damn well thought one of the girls would have said I look nice in pink or that it takes a real man to wear pink, but I got nothing.

“I think I’ll take this back and try again with a nice Hawaiian shirt.”

A recently announced animal-exchange program between zoos in San Deigo and Nairobi, Kenya, will stock each tourist attraction with wonderful and unfamiliar creatures.

San Diego will receive three giraffes, a hippopotamus, mother and son elephants, four wildebeests and a hyena.

In return, the National Zoo of Kenya will get six Canada geese for its aviary, a pair of descented skunks, a striking Calico kitty-cat and a racoon.

“This is a once-in-a-generation opportunity,” said National Zoo director Richard Kibwana. “The people of Nairobi, Kenya and all of east Africa are truly thankful for this chance to experience some of the great and unique species in American culture.”

The animals will begin their trips overseas next month.

Lifelong Houston Astros fan Jack Davis of Katy, Texas, recently became a father for the first time. And amid all of the joy young Scott has given him since his birth, the 32-year-old Davis recently became a bit whistful upon thinking about something they’ll never share.

“I know Scotty will be an Astros fan, just like his daddy,” Davis said, “but he’ll never be able to experience the beauty of the Astrodome, and that makes me sad.”

The first game the elder Davis ever went to ended in a 5-0 Houston victory over the Cubs on May 15, 1981. It wasn’t a Nolan Ryan game, Davis said, but Joe Niekro did toss a four-hit masterpiece. He can remember everything about that day, including the smell of the fresh AstroDome air.

“Until Scotty came out of my wife, the greatest thing I ever experienced was coming up the ramp on the third-base side and seeing that beautiful AstroTurf,” Davis remembered. “I’ve never seen anything so green in my whole life.

“The Juice Box is nice, and the ‘Stros usually have a pretty good ballclub, but it pains me that Scotty will never experience seeing the likes of Terry Puhl and Rafael Landestoy in the dome.

“My only hope is that a retro wave of concrete fortresses hits baseball sometime in the future.”

COMMENTARY | Butch Birmingham

Look at this truck. It’s awesome. Now picture it without the 20-foot antenna I just bought. Not nearly as awesome, is it?

The antenna completes my F150, or as I call it, my F1Awesome. It runs the entire length of the truck, hangs over the end of the bed, nicks the ground and kicks up sparks, but who gives a damn? It’s long and it picks up every station in the county, crystal clear. If it gets sparks on your car, your car’s probably queer.

People ask me, “Couldn’t you get all the stations in clear before?” Course I could. That ain’t the damn point. The point is to get the stations in even more clear and make this truck look even more awesome.

Now that I’ve had this baby installed, the truck has everything: the long, awesome antenna, the Steelers logo sticker, the sticker that says “I’m not speedin’, I’m qualifyin’”, the American flag thermal sticker that covers my awesome truck’s back window, and the totally awesome sticker of a little blond kid pissing all over the number 24.

That little guy is awesome. He should be in the funnies.

Man, do I hate Jeff Gordon!

Knowing full well that celebrities that were part of Seinfeld’s nine-season run die in threes, Keith Hernandez announced today that he’s staying away from any risky activity for the time being.

“I’ll still call Mets games, but I may cut back on the moustache trimming,” said Hernandez. “It may be a work of art, but it’s a bristly work of art and trimming it isn’t the safest thing in the whole world.”

Hernandez’s fear stems from the deaths this week of Merv Griffin and Phil Rizzuto.

On Seinfeld, one of Griffin’s talk show sets was taken out of a Dumpster and set up in Kramer’s apartment. George’s keychain likeness of the Scooter, meanwhile, was buried in a New York street during pothole repair.

The Yuckraker also caught up with the real Soup Nazi, Al Yeganeh of Al’s Soup Kitchen in Manhattan, who told us he plans to serve only chilled cucumber soup and Vichisoisse for a while so that he doesn’t get burned. He also told us to get the hell out of his store.

Phone messages left for George Steinbrenner and Racquel Welch were not immediately returned.